How Arizona parents can help their children through breakups
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Shivani Jaiswal
Submitted photo/Teen Lifeline
If You or Someone You Know is Struggling
Teen Lifeline provides free, confidential support 24/7/365 at (602) 248-8336 or (800) 248-8336. Text support is also available at (602) 248-8336 from 3 to 9 p.m. daily.
Adults struggling with suicidal thoughts can call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline or (602) 222-9444 for help 24 hours a day.
OPINION — The secret late-night texts, inside jokes and thrill of feeling chosen by someone else that contribute to a teenager’s first feelings of love can feel all-consuming.
Yet when those moments suddenly end, teens are left navigating a kind of personal and emotional loss they’ve never felt before, often without words to explain it.
To adults, a teenage breakup can seem temporary or trivial. We know from experience that heartbreak fades and that life moves forward. But teens don’t yet have that perspective. For many, a first breakup is their first encounter with real emotional loss. They don’t know how long the pain will last or whether it will ever ease, which can make the experience feel overwhelming.
In fact, heartbreak can look a lot like grief. Teens may move through waves of denial, anger, sadness or even brief moments of relief, often in no particular order.
Parents often want to jump in and make the pain disappear. While that instinct comes from protection and love, what teens usually need most is something simpler: presence.
Listening without trying to fix the situation can make a powerful difference. Let your teen talk about what they’re feeling, even if it’s repetitive or hard to hear. Validating their experience doesn’t mean agreeing with every thought, but it does mean acknowledging their pain is real. Statements like, “I know this hurts,” or “It’s hard to lose someone you care about,” can help teens feel important and supported.
Teens may lean more heavily on friends than parents during this time — that’s normal. Rather than feeling pushed aside, stay available and steady. Let your teen know you’ll be there when they need you.
It’s also imperative to resist minimizing the breakup or criticizing your teen’s ex, even unintentionally. Comments meant to comfort, such as “It wasn’t that serious,” or “You can do better,” can leave teens feeling dismissed. While this loss may seem insignificant to an adult, it can feel deeply personal to a teen.
Providing distractions, such as taking your child to a movie, sporting event, shopping or a favorite restaurant, can help in the initial days after a breakup. As time passes, parents should gently encourage balance and urge the teen to resume focusing on their regular activities like homework, chores, family outings, a part-time job and extracurricular activities.
After a few days of heartache, the teen’s emotions will likely begin to calm down, only to resurface again. This roller coaster of feelings is normal, and after a few of these cycles, a teen’s emotions should begin to level out for good. If your teen struggles for more than a few weeks, or if you notice signs of depression, eating problems or sleeping too much or too little, it may be a good idea to seek professional help.
Relationship issues and romantic breakups can be a major contributing factor to suicidal thoughts for some teens. In fact, relationship problems with a romantic partner, friend or family member contributed to 74% of the teen suicides in Arizona in 2024, the most recent year for which data is available, according to the Arizona Department of Health Services.
Shivani Jaiswal is a clinical preventionist at Teen Lifeline, a Phoenix-based nonprofit dedicated to preventing teen suicide in Arizona. Please submit comments at yourvalley.net/letters or email them to AzOpinions@iniusa.org. We are committed to publishing a wide variety of reader opinions, as long as they meet our Civility Guidelines.
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