Matt Sandoval, LMSW
Submitted photo
By Matt Sandoval | Free Arts Arizona
As we kick off Mental Health Awareness Month, it seems that the only thing I’m sure about is my feeling of uncertainty. While it is true that change is constant and comes to us in joyful and stressful versions, it can become unsettling when a general state of unknown makes it challenging to make decisions.
Like a hiker who has lost their compass, you might not know where you are and whether you are heading in the right direction. Feelings of fear and panic belong in that kind of moment because knowing our location and direction is essential for our well-being.
Underlying all the noise of daily life are two subtle questions: “How am I doing?” and “What is next?” Having limited answers to either is stressful. So, what can we do when our circumstances don’t quite make sense and our life's direction is unclear? We can take deliberate steps to return to a sense of safety and find our best possible life in tough times.
At Free Arts Arizona, our mission is to connect with children who have experienced trauma with resilience-building arts programs and caring adult mentors. Here are three steps we suggest when working with children and teens who have dealt with homelessness, abuse, neglect or other traumatic experiences.
Acknowledge without judgment
First, we can acknowledge the myriad emotions we are experiencing without judging our experience. Having feelings does not make you weak or less intelligent because having feelings makes you human. It is a myth that we can control how we feel, and when we are asked to do so, we are focusing on behaviors and not the feelings themselves.
Acknowledging our emotions is key to determining our progress toward our plan or purpose. Feelings are like an internal compass telling us essential information about our lives and connections to others. Acknowledging feelings instead of suppressing them is a radical act of honesty. Instead of judgment, we can meet these crucial feelings with curiosity and acceptance. And this process helps find our true north.
Prioritize needs
Second, we can prioritize our immediate human needs. Do we need to focus on basic physical needs like food, housing, sleep and recognizing signs of distress? Do we need to consider other needs like mutual connection, support and encouragement?
Balancing basic needs and the need for personal connection respects the whole person. In times of uncertainty, regaining safety comes from finding a connection to the group that knows you best and accepts you just as you are. This is a powerful antidote to isolation and fear.
Determine your focus
Third, we can devote time and effort to spaces and relationships around us that need care. By investing in caring for ourselves and others, we focus on areas in our lives that are within our control.
Even as a person navigates a chaotic news cycle hour after hour, we still can frame our response in ways that compel us to care for the concerns we are most passionate about.
Care does not have to mean giving of yourself at your own expense or ignoring harm or hurt. Instead, it includes creating new boundaries with others, expressing needs for connection and increasing time spent in efforts that provide the foundation for the meaning of our lives.
It is natural to wish for the chaotic carousel of reality to stop or at least slow down. Practicality tells us that slowing down may not be within our control. However, renewed connections and safety are within reach if we address our physical and social needs.
Time with family and friends, volunteering, dialogue, listening and silence are ways to reconnect with how we are doing and begin retelling our story of what is next for our lives.
Editor’s note: Matt Sandoval is chief executive officer of Free Arts Arizona, a Phoenix-based nonprofit serving children and teens who have experienced the trauma of abuse, neglect and homelessness. Please send your comments to AzOpinions@iniusa.org. We are committed to publishing a wide variety of reader opinions, as long as they meet our Civility Guidelines.
