Many would agree that as we age, the goal is to develop and sustain a quality of life in the face of inevitable adversities. Our mental and physical capacities will certainly decline with time. Yet, if we learn to acknowledge and appreciate who we have become, we can experience a rich maturity during our advanced years. It is important to be open to possibility rather than to be resigned simply to our fate. Most of us have accumulated wisdom given our life experience. Those who age well tend to be suitably accomplished, possess the ability to initiate and maintain social connections, and have learned to be more focused when confronted with loss or disruption in their lives. Positive traits such as resilience, mindfulness, and the capacity for optimism can be successfully taught, learned, developed and applied at any age.
As we mature, human beings can be subject to undue distractions, forgetfulness, and confusion even in the absence of a physical or mental disability or a disease process. And so, with time, we can start to feel useless, lose bodily functions, and experience the loss of loved ones, making it hard to regroup and move on and to remain determined to make life the best it can be in the time that remains.
According to Jon Kabat Zinn, it is important to find (or rediscover) meaning and purpose at this very moment in our lives and to step up to the challenges at hand. The effort to live life fully as we age requires commitment, toughness and resilience. After all, “Aging is not for sissies!”
So, what is resilience? According to the American Psychological Association, it is the ability to recover quickly from illness or misfortune and to adapt constructively to the changes and the losses we experience. Our spiritual or religious traditions may include meditation or prayer to help cultivate a positive energy in response to adversity.
Typically, seniors may resort to preoccupations and mental lapses when plagued with life’s challenges. Patterns using denial and avoidance mostly do not solve problems but make them worse. At the same time, applying “occupational therapy” such as pursuing our passions or investigating what interests us can be our best response when our challenges become overwhelming or difficult to manage.
Despite the suffering and the pain that can be experienced, living in the present moment puts us in the best place to address what is in front of us. Can we engage in a high-functioning “way of being” as we mature and grow older? How do we find the courage to adapt positively to loss? Can we set our sights on achievable solutions thereby building and maintaining a meaningful quality of life? Can we develop positive habits such as learning to be focused on specific meaningful tasks while learning to accept or let go of what we cannot change (the serenity prayer)? Can we become more civil with others with whom we disagree? Can we learn to appreciate what we have been given? Being grateful is a key ingredient underlying our happiness and well-being.
Let us look deeply at ourselves, our fears, our isolation, anger and frustration. Take note of any estrangement or lack of connectedness. Allow there to be kindness and awareness toward every new encounter. The nurturing of a positive attitude simply beats the alternative. There is always an opportunity for an important new discovery by simply being open to new learning and new experiences. Being attentive to living well will likely yield an improved quality of life. As Thich Nhat Hahn advised: Embrace the present moment. Life becomes more precious with time. Have a reverence for life. Be respectful of yourself and others. Learn to listen attentively, especially to those we love.
Learning to devote our time in service to others can also be meaningful.
Frank Bruni, the writer, lost sight in one eye and faced the prospect of total blindness. More than ever, he learned to be grateful and appreciate the gifts he did have rather than obsessively mourn for what he had lost. He asks what we are learning from our losses and how are we applying what we have learned. The silver lining from our losses is the development of a new perspective on how to live our best life moving forward. As we age, we are faced with “a great reframing.” Our lives have changed and we will function best when we “roll with it” and rediscover our own rhythm. At the latter stages of life, we worry about our health, and our finances, at the prospect of suffering and loss, and wonder if there is anyone who will be there for us at a critical moment.
The ultimate question is what happens to us when we die. One explanation is that we will return to our divine nature from whence we came.
We learn, think, grow and mature in the present moment. Have we set things right with our family and with our relationships where possible so we can be truly free to live the rest of our lives in relative peace? Setting goals and writing them down so that they become actionable leads to aging successfully and gracefully. We can continue to learn and grow as we have the potential to learn new habits related to what most matters to us. Let us find support with our spouse, family, neighbors, and community. Engage with others at every opportunity.
Life as we age is “an adaptation to loss and disruption.” To live well is to age well. Pay attention to our body, our mind, and our spirit. And let us ensure that our presence in the world reflects our personal values and deeply held beliefs. We can all do this.
