Feeling safe again can take time after domestic violence

Dawn Nance

Submitted photo/Denova Collaborative Health

Domestic Violence Awareness Month offers an opportunity to recognize the importance of immediate safety while also acknowledging what may follow. For many survivors, the journey continues beyond reaching a safer environment. It may involve rebuilding an internal sense of safety, reconnecting with themselves and creating a life that feels like their own again.”

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OPINION — Safety can change in a moment, but feeling safe again can take much longer.

This is something I have come to understand through my work as a therapist in Arizona with individuals who have experienced domestic violence and other forms of trauma.

Domestic violence is more common than many people realize. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, nearly 1 in 3 women and about 1 in 8 men in the U.S. have experienced intimate-partner violence involving contact sexual violence, physical violence or stalking, along with at least one related impact, during their lifetime.

For many survivors, reaching physical safety is only one part of recovery. The psychological and emotional effects of trauma can continue long after the immediate danger has passed. These effects may include anxiety, difficulty sleeping, symptoms of post-traumatic stress or a lingering sense of being on guard even when someone is no longer in immediate danger.

Recovery can also involve gradually rebuilding a sense of safety within oneself and in the world. A person’s circumstances may have changed, and they may be living somewhere new or returning to familiar routines. From the outside, life may appear to have settled back into normalcy. Internally, however, feeling safe and at ease again can take considerably more time.

It is not uncommon for survivors to remain unusually alert to their surroundings or feel uncomfortable in situations that once seemed ordinary. A sound, place or conversation may unexpectedly bring back difficult memories or feelings associated with past experiences. Others may simply notice they no longer feel as relaxed or as much like themselves as they once did.

These experiences look different for every survivor, and recovery does not follow a predetermined timeline. Rebuilding a sense of safety can take time, patience and support.

This is especially important to recognize during Domestic Violence Awareness Month in October, when much of the conversation understandably focuses on immediate safety. Helping someone reach a safer situation is critical, but it is equally important to make space for what may come afterward.

In my work as a therapist, I have seen how frustrating this stage of recovery can be. Survivors may recognize that their circumstances have changed while still feeling the need to remain on guard. They may wonder why they are not “over it” yet or why experiences from months or even years ago can still affect an otherwise ordinary day.

There is no deadline for healing. Feeling safer in one’s surroundings does not always mean feeling safe internally, and recovery does not happen on a fixed timeline. Survivors deserve the time, compassion and support they need as they navigate their own paths toward healing.

Mental health support following domestic violence can provide survivors with space to understand their reactions, process their experiences and gradually rebuild a sense of safety and comfort in everyday life. For some, this may involve trauma-informed therapy. For others, support may include working with a healthcare provider, connecting with a domestic-violence advocacy organization or accessing a combination of resources that meet their individual needs.

There is no single path to healing. What matters is that survivors have access to compassionate, appropriate support that honors their experiences, respects their autonomy and recognizes that recovery looks different for everyone.

Sometimes, this work begins with one manageable goal, such as feeling comfortable going somewhere alone, sleeping through the night more often or spending time with people they care about. Progress can be gradual, and what it looks like will vary from one person to another.

That is why it is important to be thoughtful about how we talk about healing. Phrases such as “moving on” may sound simple from the outside, but for someone living with the effects of trauma related to domestic violence, moving forward may involve learning to trust their instincts again, establishing boundaries or understanding why certain situations continue to bring up strong emotions.

Friends and family can play an important role by making space for this process. Supporting someone does not require having the perfect words or knowing exactly what to do. Sometimes, it begins with listening without judgment, respecting their boundaries and continuing to show up with patience and compassion.

For survivors in Arizona, support may also be available through local domestic-violence organizations, healthcare providers and mental-health professionals trained in trauma-informed care. Asking whether telehealth services are available or whether a provider has experience working with trauma can be a practical first step toward finding appropriate support.

Healthcare providers also have a responsibility to recognize the complexity of recovery. Progress should not be measured solely by whether a symptom has disappeared. Sometimes, progress looks like feeling more confident, reclaiming a familiar routine or recognizing that more choices and possibilities are available than once felt possible.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month offers an opportunity to recognize the importance of immediate safety while also acknowledging what may follow. For many survivors, the journey continues beyond reaching a safer environment. It may involve rebuilding an internal sense of safety, reconnecting with themselves and creating a life that feels like their own again.

That process deserves patience, compassionate support and access to appropriate care for as long as it is needed.

Dawn Nance, M.Ed., LAC is an East Valley clinical therapist with more than 25 years of experience working in trauma therapy with adults, adolescents and families. Please submit comments at yourvalley.net/letters or email them to azopinions@iniusa.org. We are committed to publishing a wide variety of reader opinions, as long as they meet our Civility Guidelines.