How to talk to kids about school violence, and help them cope with fear

Rebecca Ann Duffy, LPC

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Conversations about school violence are deeply personal and deeply difficult — but they’re also deeply necessary. As parents, caregivers, educators and mental health professionals, we share the responsibility of helping children feel safe, heard and supported.”

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It’s the conversation no parent wants to have, yet school violence is a topic more families are being forced to confront. Whether it’s a lockdown drill, news of a school shooting or the recent on-campus stabbing death of a Valley high school student, kids today are growing up in a world where violence at school is not just imaginable — it’s real.

Mental health professionals recognize the emotional toll that school violence takes not just on children, but on families, educators and communities. While we may not be able to shield kids from the harsh realities of the world, we can guide them through their emotions, help them make sense of what they’re feeling and support their mental well-being every step of the way.

Children and teens often process fear and anxiety differently from adults. They might act out, withdraw, have trouble sleeping or complain of physical symptoms like stomach aches. Ignoring or avoiding the conversation around school violence can lead to more confusion and stress.

Talking openly, at an age-appropriate level can reduce anxiety. It shows children that it’s OK to feel scared, and more importantly, that they’re not alone.

Here are five ways to talk to your child about school violence:

1. Start with questions, not answers

Instead of launching into an explanation, begin by asking what your child knows or has heard. You might say, “There was something on the news about a school getting hurt. Have you heard anything?” This helps you correct misinformation and meet them where they are emotionally.

2. Validate their feelings

Kids may express fear, sadness or even anger. Resist the urge to minimize these emotions with phrases like, “Don’t worry,” or “That won’t happen here.” Instead, say things like, “It’s OK to feel scared. A lot of people feel that way, too.”

3. Be honest, but age-appropriate

Younger children need simple, reassuring explanations. Older kids and teens might want more detail or be ready to talk about complex issues like gun laws or mental health. Keep the focus on safety and support, not graphic details.

4. Emphasize safety and preparedness

Talk about what schools do to keep students safe — like drills, secured entrances and trusted adults they can talk to. Empower them by reviewing safety plans calmly and matter-of-factly, without creating alarm.

5. Keep the door open

One conversation isn’t enough. Let your children know they can come to you anytime with questions or fears. Watch for changes in behavior that might indicate they’re struggling and consider talking to a mental health professional if needed.

Ways to combat chronic stress and fear

Exposure to repeated stories of violence, especially through social media — can lead to chronic stress. Here are a few ways to protect your child’s mental health:

• Limit media exposure. Watch or discuss news coverage together and set healthy boundaries around screen time.

• Create routines. Predictability helps children feel secure. Try to keep regular mealtimes, bedtimes and rituals like reading together or family walks.

• Model calm. Kids take emotional cues from adults. Practice your own stress management strategies—like deep breathing, mindfulness or talking to a therapist.

• Build resilience. Encourage problem-solving, positive thinking and time with friends. Connection is a powerful antidote to fear.

Conversations about school violence are deeply personal and deeply difficult — but they’re also deeply necessary. As parents, caregivers, educators and mental health professionals, we share the responsibility of helping children feel safe, heard and supported.

Editor’s note: Rebecca Ann Duffy, LPC is clinical director at evolvedMD in Phoenix. Please send your comments to AzOpinions@iniusa.org. We are committed to publishing a wide variety of reader opinions, as long as they meet our Civility Guidelines.