Foster mom to parents: Slow down this holiday season

Kim Vehon

Submitted photo/Foster Arizona

It’s OK to not be OK. It’s OK to feel stretched thin. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak — it allows you to keep showing up strong for the kids who need you most.”

OPINION — You’re traveling with your child on an airplane when something unexpected happens. The oxygen masks drop from the ceiling. What do you do first — help your child, or secure your own mask?

We may not be 30,000 feet in the air, but as parents — especially during the holidays — we face this same question daily. How do we balance caring for our children while remembering to take care of ourselves?

This lesson became crystal clear when my husband, Brian, and I began fostering children. Kids enter foster care for many reasons, and each child’s story is different. But one thing they all share is trauma — the disruption of leaving what they know and stepping into the unknown; something that can be exacerbated during this time of year.

As a first-time foster mom, I didn’t fully grasp how much emotional energy and patience this work would require, or how vital it would be to refuel myself along the way.

When our first child came into our family, life moved at lightning speed — appointments, visits, school registration, therapy. My days blurred together as I tried to keep up. I was balancing home, work and the complex emotions that came with each new child’s story. I was fine; until I wasn’t.

What I learned is that, unlike on an airplane, we can’t wait for an emergency to put on our oxygen mask. Especially during the holidays — when calendars are full, expectations are high and emotions often run deep — we have to intentionally take time to breathe.

Here are a few ways that have helped me keep perspective and peace in a busy season:

Find a support system

We’re stronger when we’re supported by others. Seek out people who understand your journey. There are several foster parent support groups available across Arizona, including Foster Arizona’s online Foster Cooperative, ASA Now and the Arizona Association for Foster & Adoptive Parents. Local churches often host groups as well. This time of year, connection is the best gift we can give ourselves.

Plan breaks in your schedule

The holidays can fill every moment if we let them. Make time to pause. I love early mornings before the house wakes up — when the holiday lights are glowing, and the world feels still. That’s when I breathe, reflect and reset. Maybe for you it’s a walk, a quiet lunch or a night with no plans. Schedule rest like you would any other commitment.

Ask for help

It’s OK to not be OK. It’s OK to feel stretched thin. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak — it allows you to keep showing up strong for the kids who need you most.

Give yourself grace

This season reminds us that love isn’t found in perfection. We’re humans before we’re parents, and sometimes the most meaningful thing we can give our families is our authentic, imperfect selves.

As we close out the year, I’m reminding myself — and hopefully you — to slow down, take a deep breath and find gratitude in the pause. The holidays aren’t about doing it all; they’re about being present, for our children and for ourselves.

Kim Vehon is CEO of Mesa-based Foster Arizona, a nonprofit that provides resources, training and advocacy for foster families across the state. She is a mother to seven children, four of whom she adopted after fostering. Please submit comments at yourvalley.net/letters or email them to AzOpinions@iniusa.org. We are committed to publishing a wide variety of reader opinions, as long as they meet our Civility Guidelines.