Five Tips to Make the Holidays Less Stressful for Separated or Divorced Parents

The holidays are here, and with it, a certain amount of family stress is expected. However, if you have a child and are recently separated or divorced from your child's other parent, understanding the stress your child will feel during this time is important.

For you, it may be a sense of relief not to be sharing the holiday with your former spouse and their family. For your child, the holidays can bring confusion and a  sense of sadness in not sharing the day with both parents. The following tips can reduce some of the anxiety, questions, and hurt your child may feel.

• Avoid Duplication. Avoid trying to duplicate holiday meals and activities to outshine the other parent. While it is nice for a child to spend the morning of the holiday with one parent and the afternoon or evening with the other parent, depending on the child's age, it can also be exhausting. Consider establishing who will do the main holiday meal and then alternate it each year.
• Prepare a Holiday Dish with Your Child. Make a dish together that the child can bring to the other parent's house. Assuming that you and your former partner can communicate about issues involving the child, if you are not spending time with the child for the holiday or the major meal of the day, request that you be permitted to help the child make a food item to send with them to the other house. Showing that the parents can do things with the child that may be beneficial to the other parent helps reduce the stress children sometimes feel about leaving one parent behind.
• Keep your own Emotions in Check. Nothing is worse for a child when they believe that the other parent will be left alone on a holiday. Assure the child that you will be fine, that you want them to have a good time, and know that they will.
• Make the Holiday your Own. Remember, holidays are only a date on the calendar. While it is natural to want to spend every holiday with your child, be careful not to put too much emphasis on one day. Be flexible where you can be for the sake of your child. Your child loves both parents, and developing a healthy relationship with both parents is essential. Thanksgiving does not have to be celebrated on the last fourth Thursday in November. Turkey is available in July as well. Consider making the holiday your own special day when it is not your parenting time for a specific holiday.
• Start New Traditions. This is a new start for both you and your child. Now is the perfect time to start a new tradition that becomes your special time with your child.