Many families experience a mix of excitement and anxiety around the transition back to school. Whether a child is entering kindergarten, starting middle school or preparing for high school, each stage presents unique challenges. The return to routines, social dynamics, academic demands and emotional transitions can feel overwhelming for the entire family.
Don’t ‘sleep’ on preparation
Kids often fall into summer rhythms like staying up late and sleeping in. Begin adjusting young children back into a regular routine at least a week before school starts. Gradually move bedtimes a little earlier, in 15- to 30-minute increments, and start practicing wake-up routines to ease the transition.
If possible, do a dry run of a typical school morning — getting dressed, eating breakfast, packing backpacks and getting out the door.
Empower through choice
Children often don’t get the choice whether they go to school, who their teacher is or which subjects they will study.
Offering them small, age-appropriate choices can help them feel more in control during this time of change. Let them pick out what they’ll have for lunch, their backpack or first-day outfit. Even choosing their breakfast can promote a sense of independence.
Fun ideas — host a mini fashion show at home to pick out their first-day outfit, let them plan something to look forward to following the first day or week or school, such as dinner of their choice or an outing for ice cream.
These choices provide a sense of control and autonomy and can be especially helpful for younger kids or those feeling nervous about the transition.
Decrease anticipation anxiety
Even kids who thrive academically may feel anxious about returning to school — especially during transition years like moving from elementary to middle school.
Help by offering early exposure and increasing familiarity. Drive by the school, attend orientation events or ask if a tour is available. Walk through the halls, find classrooms and introduce your child to key staff members like the school counselor, nurse or vice principal.
Knowing where to go and whom to ask for help can offer immense comfort. It’ s also helpful to try to meet someone in their class or school ahead of the first day if it is a new school.
For young children, consider making a visual schedule of their daily routine using images they recognize. This can help provide structure and reduce anxiety, especially when they cannot yet read a written schedule.
Anxiety is a normal part of life — and it can even be useful. The key is not to try and eliminate it, but to help your child recognize and navigate it. Feeling nervous before a test or new experience isn’t necessarily bad — it can motivate preparation. Teach your kids anxiety does not always mean something is wrong; it is a natural response that can be managed and understood.
Some kids may benefit from transitional objects, which are quiet symbols of connection they can bring with them to school. It could be as simple as a Taylor Swift friendship bracelet or a sensory sticker discreetly placed on a folder. These items can help kids feel grounded throughout the day.
For neurodiverse children or those with diagnosed anxiety disorders, the return to school may be more intense. In these cases, consider a gradual return. Starting with shorter days or attending low-pressure classes first can ease the transition. Work with your child’s school to create a personalized support plan.
Communicate comfortably
Talking with your child about their feelings is crucial — but how you do it matters. Instead of sitting them down for a “serious talk,” look for natural, low-pressure moments like car rides, an after-school ice cream date or dinnertime to check in. Ask simple questions like “Who did you sit with at lunch?” “Did anything funny happen today?” “Is anyone acting unkind?”
In elementary school, social dynamics are often simpler, but as kids enter middle school and high school, things become more complex. During this time, they may not voluntarily share their emotions. Stay attuned to changes in mood or behavior and keep communication open without forcing it.
Knowing your child’s friends becomes increasingly important, as their social circle often shapes behavior, values and emotional well-being.
Stay engaged — but begin shifting toward collaborative decision-making. Adolescence is a time of individuation — figuring out who you are and where you fit separate from the family unit. During these years, the parent or caregiver’s role slowly shifts from manager to coach. Let your child take the reins within safe boundaries and be there to support them when needed.
Encourage emotional resilience
Help your child prepare for emotional ups and downs. Ask questions like,“What will you do if you feel anxious or sad?” and make a proactive plan together. Teach coping skills and practice them before they’re needed.
Also give space for reflection. Ask things like “How did today go compared to what you expected?” If it went better than they feared, encourage them to remember that for next time.
Remember, back-to-school season can be hard on parents and caregivers, too. You’ll get it wrong sometimes. Your kids won’t always appreciate your efforts. That’s OK. Let go of perfection.
Stay flexible, stay kind and stay connected. Your consistent presence — even when imperfect — is the most powerful tool your child can have.
Editor’s note: Funda Bachini, MD is division chief of psychiatry at Phoenix Children’s inpatient psychiatric unit. She lives in Scottsdale. Please send your comments to AzOpinions@iniusa.org. We are committed to publishing a wide variety of reader opinions, as long as they meet our Civility Guidelines.
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