What Valley parents may be missing about bullying today

Fridda Ponce Duran

Submitted photo/notMYkid

Bullying involves aggressive behavior that repeats, or could repeat, and a real or perceived imbalance of power. That power may come from popularity, access to embarrassing information or several students targeting one peer.”

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OPINION — When parents think about bullying, they may picture a confrontation in a school hallway or a cruel comment at lunch. Those situations still happen, but social media and messaging apps have extended bullying well beyond the school day. A child can be home, sitting beside a parent, while classmates target them on their phone.

An April 2026 Pew Research Center report found that roughly 3 in 10 U.S. teens who use Snapchat have experienced harassment on the platform, including offensive name-calling, rumors or physical threats.

October is National Bullying Prevention Month, an opportunity to rethink how we recognize and respond to bullying. That starts with taking children’s online experiences as seriously as what happens in person.

Look beyond the school day

Bullying can unfold in group chats, online games and social media accounts that adults never see. A private message may be circulated to embarrass someone, or a fake account created to mock a classmate.

Telling a child to “just put your phone away” does little to address a rumor they will face at school tomorrow. Make online friendships part of everyday conversation. Who do they play games with? How do people treat each other in their group chats? Showing interest before a problem arises can make it easier for them to bring up something uncomfortable later.

Know when conflict becomes bullying

An argument between friends is not automatically bullying. Young people can disagree, behave thoughtlessly and need help repairing a relationship.

Bullying involves aggressive behavior that repeats, or could repeat, and a real or perceived imbalance of power. That power may come from popularity, access to embarrassing information or several students targeting one peer.

Ask whether the behavior has happened before, whether your child feels able to speak up and what they fear might happen next. Understanding the situation helps determine the response. Still, parents should not get so caught up in defining the behavior that they overlook the harm.

Notice what your child is doing differently

The first sign may be a change in routine. A child who usually enjoys seeing friends starts declining invitations. They become upset after checking messages, struggle to sleep or repeatedly ask to stay home from school.

These changes do not necessarily mean bullying is happening, but they deserve a conversation. Be specific without making assumptions: “You’ve seemed upset after looking at your messages lately. Has something been going on?” If the answer is “fine,” avoid pushing for an immediate explanation. Let them know you are available, then check in again. They may find it easier to talk during a walk or car ride.

Make asking for help feel safe

Children may stay quiet because they feel embarrassed, fear retaliation or worry that a parent will take away their phone. They may also worry that an adult’s reaction will make an already difficult situation worse.

If your child opens up, begin by listening. “I’m glad you told me” is a better starting point than “Why didn’t you say something sooner?” Ask what they are most worried about and what they would like help with. You may need to intervene, but explaining your next steps gives them a voice in what happens.

Follow up until something changes

Save harmful messages, usernames and dates. Help your child use reporting and blocking tools. When classmates are involved or bullying affects school, contact a counselor or administrator. Ask for a response plan and agree on when you will follow up. Take threats seriously and seek immediate help if your child is in danger.

Keep checking in after a report has been made. Has the behavior stopped? Do they feel safe? Has it moved to another account or setting? One conversation may uncover the problem. Continued attention helps ensure your child is getting the support they need.

Fridda Ponce Duran is a program specialist at notMYkid, a Valley nonprofit focused on mental health, family support and substance-use prevention. Please submit comments at yourvalley.net/letters or email them to AzOpinions@iniusa.org. We are committed to publishing a wide variety of reader opinions, as long as they meet our Civility Guidelines.