Opara: Turn acquaintances into lasting friendships with these 3 tips

Keep this in mind --- that you have at least this one thing in common with the other person on the other side of the phone or table, and that no matter who you are, you’ve got something to give.”

Adaeze Opara, Scottsdale resident

Making new acquaintances and turning them into lasting friendships may be on everyone’s priority list when they find themselves in a new city, but only a small percentage of people know how to do this effectively.

At the end 2018, Maricopa County saw the highest number of people move to the area than any other county in the United States, during the last five years.

The Phoenix-Mesa-Scottsdale metro area ranked first in the nation for domestic net migration, so there is a very good chance that you are one of the new people who have moved to Scottsdale in the last six years.

Starting over in a new city can be equal parts daunting and exciting. The promise of a fresh start tends to balance the anxiety of uprooting your life, building new connections, and finding the much-needed resources for your day to day life.

One thing that exists today, that helps cushion the feeling of leaving friends and family behind, is social media. Without trying too hard, one is able to keep existing connections alive. This however lulls us into a false sense of community that becomes all too apparent when the dust settles.

In my own quest to find community and build friendships, I have spent a lot of time on Facebook groups, BumbleBFF and other similar social networks, and I have learned three important things that have helped me build and nurture great relationships over time.

1. Show up to an event or a meet up. Be present. Join the conversation. You have a voice, so use it. No one will be drawn to you, if they don’t know you exist. In a world flooded with digital handshakes and virtual communication, a face to face meeting leaves a significantly stronger and lasting impact.

2. Focus on one person, and set a weekly reminder to check in with them. One person; because the internet is constantly serving up new names and faces and it is all too easy to get overwhelmed and lost in them. Trying to connect with everyone equals connecting with no one. Find one person that you have a shared interest with, and focus on getting to know them. Group activities are great for early stages of getting acquainted, but one-on-one settings are best when it comes to deepening those friendships.

Reminders; because I’ve realized that this is one thing that works when it comes to getting anything done these days. It could be an alarm on my phone or a note in my weekly planner. Take a minute out of your busy week to check in with your new friend. Find out how they’re doing, tell them something interesting that happened to you that day, and make a plan to meet at least once a month to catch up.

3. Be vulnerable. This is probably the most important one. It is also admittedly the riskiest, but we know what they say about great risks and great rewards. There is no truer way to foster a bond than letting your guard down, and being open and honest about your fears, worries, or aspirations. Be careful to strike a balance and respect each other’s boundaries as the level of trust between you two starts to deepen.

Humans at their core are social beings, including the most introverted ones. Keep this in mind --- that you have at least this one thing in common with the other person on the other side of the phone or table, and that no matter who you are, you’ve got something to give.

Good luck!

Editor’s Note: Adaeze Opara is a Scottsdale resident.