I have been contemplating the idea of bullying quite a bit as of late.
As a former middle school teacher and the mother of a daughter in middle school, I see the effects almost every day. I hear about the unkind words spoken, the aggressively mean comments made about appearances or other aspects of students’ looks, the disruptive bus behaviors with slurs and threats thrown around like confetti.
When I bring it up to other parents I am frequently reminded of “how terrible the middle school years can be." That we expect this from our freshly-minted teens. And my least favorite reminder has to be that it is “only 2 years” then high school will make it all better.
I look around at my own kids, and hear stories of heartbreak and hurt from other parents in similar boats, and I’m left to wonder was it always like this?
A decade ago, I had the unique pleasure of having my own classroom at an all-girls school outside of Washington DC. I taught theater in middle school, directed their shows and also directed the high school musical.
It was awkward, it was challenging and it was completely messy and magical. I miss it almost every day.
Were there issues with behavior? For sure. Were those issues nearly as prevalent as they seem today? Not in my experience. So what has changed?
From my perspective the change is the fact that parents are no longer accepting accountability.
We see evidence of this in the fact that teachers are afraid to contact homes to deal with issues or, worse yet, they don’t bother because previous attempts have been fruitless.
Kids’ faces are glued to phones, smart watches, computers, tablets – you name it and there is a device for that. Kids are messaging each other without any real sense of the impact words have on the reader, and no one is really taking the time to have those conversations with their kids.
Life is busy, work is insane, and everyone is operating in their own bubbles, even at home.
And when a concern is brought forth from school, it seems the new norm is for a parent to turn it around, shifting the blame on the teacher and staff. Even when parents contact the school with a concern, so often it is to say “what are you going to do about it?” and seldom do you find parents asking to work together.
And what example are parents setting?
I recently ran for school board in HUSD. This is a completely volunteer position, with a lot of time and energy required in the commitment if elected.
Over the four-month campaign period, I experienced more online harassment in that time than I did over the 12-plus years I have had an online presence. Individuals creating fake accounts to levy comments on my hair, or my clothes, or to cast negativity on my support of our hardworking teachers, or to call out my parenting skills, based on my belief that kids should have access to a variety of material in the classroom, which permission slips as guardrails.
Even worse than that, you have these same individuals using fake social media accounts to spread lies about other parents AND disparage the district in ways that only serve to damage the educational experience for our students.
It was fascinating to see adults behaving in the ways we readily punish children for behaving; fascinating and deeply disheartening.
My husband went as far as to hang security cameras around the outside of our home, as folks were taking secret photos of me to pair with misinformation in a hope to undermine me as a candidate.
And why? Because I believe our teachers are chronically undersupported by parents, underpaid, overworke and deserve a champion in their corner?
Because I believe parental rights afford parents the right to decide what is best for their own child, but not otherchildren?
Because I am unapologetically willing to publicly call out unsupportive behaviors of current leadership in a respectful way?
Some of the worst offenders are parents right here in our district. Leaders in places that get to make decisions about policy for our students and families.
This is the behavior being offered as an example. These same adults who continue to this day to behave poorly online would be the first to turn around a concern about their own students. To cast doubt and negativity toward a teacher who might bring up a concerning behavior.
How will our kids learn to be functioning humans in society if this is what we show them?
Our kids are watching, all the time, and listening, even when they seem engrossed in their devices.
Our teachers are looking to us, as parents, to not only set a positive example, but also to back them up when they come to us with issues.
We have to remain engaged, open-minded and ready to listen when it comes to our kids and their education.
We have to be on the lookout for tell-tale signs of issues with friends to be able to work together with our schools to get our kids the help that they need as they navigate the teen years.
And, we need to model the behaviors we all expect to see: respect, kindness and grace.
Kathleen Richards is a Higley USD volunteer and was an unsuccesful candidate for the HUSD Governing Board in November.
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