When people hear the word “abuse,” many immediately think of physical violence — visible bruises, broken bones or emergency room visits. But abuse doesn’t always leave marks you can see.
Verbal abuse is just as real and just as damaging, yet it often goes unrecognized, excused or minimized. At New Life Center, we know that verbal abuse is not only serious on its own — it is often the precursor to physical abuse and long-term trauma.
Verbal abuse includes a range of behaviors: name-calling, threats, constant criticism, gaslighting and efforts to humiliate, control or isolate a person using words. It often starts subtly, cloaked in sarcasm or disguised as a joke and over time, it chips away at a person’s sense of self-worth.
One of the most dangerous things about verbal abuse is that many people don’t recognize it as abuse — especially when it doesn’t involve physical violence. Victims are often told they're “too sensitive” or that they’re misinterpreting things. This normalization makes it even harder for someone to seek help. It’s crucial to educate people — especially those in unhealthy relationships — about the reality of verbal abuse. It is abuse. And it can escalate.
Studies show a strong correlation between verbal and physical abuse. In many cases, verbal abuse is the first phase of a larger power and control dynamic. Recognizing it early can save lives. Friends, family members, coworkers — anyone who notices someone being routinely belittled, threatened or controlled — can play a vital role in helping the person understand that what they are experiencing is not OK.
So how do we help? First, we listen without judgment. Survivors of verbal abuse often feel confused or ashamed. Letting someone know you believe them, and that they don’t deserve to be treated this way, can be incredibly powerful. Second, we gently name the behavior for what it is: abuse. Third, we connect people to professional help.
Organizations like New Life Center walk alongside survivors of all forms of abuse — including verbal. Our team understands the complexity of abusive relationships and the courage it takes to reach out. We offer emergency shelter, case management, counseling, advocacy, safety planning and more. For survivors who aren’t ready or able to leave immediately, we also provide support services outside of our shelter, like therapy and other healing resources.
Healing from verbal abuse takes time. Survivors must rebuild their confidence, reestablish their sense of self and, in many cases, unlearn the lies they’ve been told about their worth. Trauma-informed environments honor each person’s unique path forward.
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, please know there are resources and support systems, and people who care and want to help.
Editor’s note: Kate Thoene is CEO of Goodyear-based New Life Center, Arizona’s largest domestic violence shelter. Please send your comments to AzOpinions@iniusa.org. We are committed to publishing a wide variety of reader opinions, as long as they meet our Civility Guidelines.
