From drugs to degrees: How losing custody of my child helped me find myself

My story isn’t unique. Every day, parents are doing the hard work to get their children back. What they need most is support, belief and the opportunity to prove they can change. I am living proof that reunification is possible — and that families can go on to thrive with the right resources and encouragement.”

For much of my life, it felt like one hardship after another — childhood trauma, the loss of my brother, abuse, life in a group home and divorced parents. My biological father wasn’t involved, and my mother was diagnosed with cancer after we moved to Arizona. I grew up feeling angry, unheard and labeled as “disruptive.”

At 18, I began using drugs to escape my pain. The pattern of addiction continued on and off into my 30s. When I became pregnant, I tried to reduce my use, but it wasn’t enough. I developed serious health issues during pregnancy, and due to my past substance use, my newborn son was placed in foster care.

Soon after, I was reunited through completing required tests and services, but my ongoing struggles and unhealthy relationships led to further complications. Just before his 3rd birthday, my son was removed again.

Determined to break the cycle, I entered inpatient treatment and committed fully to my recovery. I completed every service, sought additional support, and worked hard to rebuild my life. There were setbacks, but I refused to give up. After three years of effort, I reunified with my son in 2015 — a moment that changed everything.

Losing my child was one of the hardest things I’ve ever faced, but the Arizona Department of Child Safety never gave up on me. I was fortunate to work with the same case manager and supervisor throughout my journey — someone who believed in me and truly wanted to see my family succeed.

Even when tough decisions had to be made and things looked bleak, my case manager stayed by my side. When I was finally reunited with my son, he was healthy, joyful and thriving. Throughout all the hardships and frustrations, I knew at that moment I would never let him go again.

Since then, I’ve become the first in my family to graduate from both high school and college. My circumstances lit a fire under me that no one could put out. I’ve earned two master’s degrees — in criminal justice and social work — and became a licensed master social worker. My experiences, good and bad, lead me to want to make a change to the system that I was a part of for so long.

Today, I work at Terros Health, the same agency where I began my recovery. I now sit on statewide and national advisory boards, using my voice to advocate for parents and help improve how systems, including AZDCS, interact with families. I focus on building understanding, eliminating bias, and promoting a family-centered approach.

My story isn’t unique. Every day, parents are doing the hard work to get their children back. What they need most is support, belief and the opportunity to prove they can change. I am living proof that reunification is possible — and that families can go on to thrive with the right resources and encouragement. Throughout June — National Reunification Month — I reflect on the people who accompanied me on my journey, during the perils and the triumphs that I experienced. 

This journey hasn’t been easy, but it’s shaped me. And now, I get to be an ally for others who need one, standing in the gap for them, just like someone did for me.

Editor’s note: Melissa Zimmerman, MSW, MCJ, LMSW is a clinician at Terros Health, which has locations in Glendale, Mesa, Phoenix, Tempe and Tucson. Please send your comments to AzOpinions@iniusa.org. We are committed to publishing a wide variety of reader opinions, as long as they meet our Civility Guidelines.