For Vance and Laura Friend of Apache Junction, love isn’t limited to Valentine’s Day — it’s woven into the fabric of their lives. Over the past decade, the Friends have opened their hearts and home to 13 foster children, adopted two and maintained lasting bonds with many more. For them, fostering isn’t just an act of compassion; it’s a celebration of family in all its forms.

Today, the Friends are parents to a unique family of nine adult children — three biological, two adopted and four children formerly in foster care — who all remain close.

“We don’t distinguish between our kids,” Laura said with a warm smile. “Once you’re part of this family, you’re part of it forever.”

Love multiplied

The Friends’ journey into fostering began with Laura’s desire for a large family.

“I always knew I wanted to have a big family,” Laura shared. “Vance and I came from families full of love and support, and we saw how many kids out there didn’t have that. We thought, ‘Why not us?’”

Their first placements, siblings aged 3 and 4, came into their lives when their biological children — Jordan, Zach and Lucas — were still young.

“We were nervous at first, wondering how it would affect our kids,” Vance admitted. “But it turned out to be one of the best decisions we’ve ever made.”

Laura explained how fostering shaped their family dynamic.

“Our biological kids learned compassion, tolerance and the importance of giving grace,” she said. “Kids in foster care from different family dynamics and backgrounds, and everyone has to adjust. It made all of us better people.”

Lucas, now 29 and living in Apache Junction, agreed.

“Growing up with siblings in foster care taught me how to see life from someone else’s perspective,” he said. “It’s why I’m fostering now. My parents set the example. They showed me what it means to love unconditionally.”

A legacy of love

The Friends’ impact goes beyond their immediate family. Jordan, their eldest daughter, fostered a baby boy for a year, while Lucas and his wife, Chelsea, fostered two young boys during the COVID-19 pandemic. They are now in the process of adopting two children.

Lucas said the decision felt like a natural step after growing up in a home where fostering was simply part of life.

“My parents went to great lengths to make sure we all had opportunities growing up — whether it was school, sports or just being part of a loving, stable home,” said Lucas. “Now, Chelsea and I want to do the same for kids in need.”

For Lucas, fostering doesn’t feel like a grand or unusual act.

“It’s just what we do,” he said. “I grew up with foster and adoptive siblings, I watched my parents do it and now I get to carry that forward. The biggest lesson we all took from fostering is that family isn’t about DNA — it’s about showing up for each other.”

Holidays at the Friends’ home are a testament to their big-hearted approach. Their children — biological, adopted and fostered — still come together, bringing their significant others and kids.

“We’ll have nine kids and their significant others crammed around the table, laughing and making plans,” Laura said. “Our family group text is constantly buzzing. It’s fun and crazy, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Challenges and rewards

Fostering isn’t without challenges, but for the Friends, the rewards far outweigh the struggles.

“These kids come to you with hurt, fear and a lot of uncertainty,” Vance said. “But with love, patience and support, you see them thrive. That’s worth everything.”

Laura shared a memory of fostering two siblings whose biological mother struggled to parent.

“We kept them connected to their mom, even when it was hard. When they were placed with us again years later, it was a natural transition. Eventually, we adopted them, and we still include their mom in important family moments. It’s what’s best for the kids,” she said.

“We have met people who said that they couldn’t foster because they wouldn’t be able to handle the kids leaving after getting attached,” said Vance. “These are the families that children in foster care need. They need people who love them, treat them like family and support them. If they are reunified with their biological families, rest assured: you made a difference — both for them and for your own family.”

For Laura, fostering has been a life-changing experience.

“I’ve always said, kids are my favorite thing. They deserve to have someone rooting for them, someone in their corner,” she said. “It’s not always easy, but these kids bring so much joy into your life. They teach you as much as you teach them.”

A Valentine’s Day call to action

As Valentine’s Day approaches, the Friends encourage others to find a way — big or small — to support children in need.

“I know everyone is so busy, but on behalf of Arizona’s children, I ask that you please take five minutes to learn what it means to foster,” Laura said. “It may be right for you, or maybe you’ll be the one to inspire someone else to step up.”

Vance added, “Every child deserves someone to show up for them. If you have the love to give, don’t be afraid to take that step. There’s support out there to help you, and the rewards are immeasurable.”

For families like the Friends, love isn’t a one-day celebration — it’s a lifelong commitment. This Valentine’s Day, consider how you might share love with a child who needs it most.

To learn more about fostering, call 877-543-7633 or visit https://azdcs.gov/foster/learnmore.